A week of emotions

This week was of course going to be emotional for me as I quickly came up to my surgery where I would have to be "put under" for the first time ever.... it had always been the one thing I avoided at all costs...including doing procedures awake if at all possible. Well this one was un-avoidable, and part of me was ready to over come it.
A million and a half things came up to make me re-consider the timing of my surgery. But I stuck with it and kept my date so I wouldn't chidken out. Then it hit me. I would be going under exactly 1 year to the day that I landed in the hospital last year with Maggie. And I was an emotional mess (though nobody knew of course :) )

Suddenly I was stuck between the emotion of, "good things did not happen on this day last year, maybe this is a BIG sign?" to "My gosh I can't believe that all was a year ago?"

1 YEAR ago already. How?

I can still feel the EXACT, EXACT feeling I had that night when I suddenly started bleeding and couldn't find her heartbeat on my doppler. I thought we had lost the baby we had all been waiting so impatiently for. In my heart I felt she was gone. I remember waiting on the front lawn for Brian to get the boys out of bed and feeling like I was in a dream, about to pass out. I remember thinking, this couldn't be happening. And looking up at her bedroom window as we pulled out of the driveway and thinking "How am I supposed to come back to that room? And what will I tell these little boys?"
We all know how this story ends and I couldn't thank God enough. I remember the first day home with her, I hadn't been home in almost a month. I walked her up to her room and as I sat there in the rocker holding her it hit me, the thought I had about coming back to that room without her and I just burst into tears. There she was, perfect, beautiful and mine. She was really there!
This has been one very fast year. Filled with moments I wouldn't trade for the world.
Life with 3 kids is busy. And I can only guess it gets busier as they grow. But our family is complete, we're healthy and we have each other. Even the crazy times can't take that away from us. And I'm thankful. I'm thankful for our safety, I'm thankful for our children, I'm thankful for our families and I'm thankful for these last five years with my husband. As Jon and Kate say "It might be a crazy life, but it's our life"

I'll leave you with this cute video of Maggie playing with Grandma. Listen closely and you'll hear Maggie's first 2 word setence "Again Mama!"